


SO NOW WE CAN BOTH ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WE ARE EPIC FAILURES AT BASIC COMMUNICATION

by Volo



Series: Too much fucking Davekat [11]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Awkward Flirting, Coming Out, Humanstuck, M/M, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 12:12:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1687928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Volo/pseuds/Volo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class="dave">TG: im throwin a sick party</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: on friday</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: AND WHY DOES YOUR BRAIN THINK THAT THIS FACT WOULD BE EVEN REMOTELY INTERESTING TO ME?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: im telling you cause you will come to my sick party</span>
  <br/>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	SO NOW WE CAN BOTH ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WE ARE EPIC FAILURES AT BASIC COMMUNICATION

**Author's Note:**

> I edited this a bit.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--  
TG: im throwin a sick party  
TG: on friday  
CG: AND WHY DOES YOUR BRAIN THINK THAT THIS FACT WOULD BE EVEN REMOTELY INTERESTING TO ME?  
TG: im telling you cause you will come to my sick party  
CG: I DON'T GIVE ONE FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOUR PARTY AND I THINK YOUR BRAIN MUST HAVE STOPPED ALL ACTIVITY OR DISSOLVED DUE TO TOO MUCH APPLE JUICE, BECAUSE YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME ACTING LIKE THERE IS EVEN A TINY, PALTRY CHANCE THAT I WILL GO TO THIS PARTY. YOU KNOW I HATE PARTIES.  
TG: *sick party  
TG: and dont diss the aj cmon weve had that discussion  
TG: also no way dude you have to come  
TG: youre my bro  
TG: and you know itll be fun  
TG: im the master of sick parties  
TG: the king of absolutely choice gettogethers that everybody loves  
TG: the emperor  
TG: of sweet celebrations empire  
TG: its me  
CG: IT WOULD BE FUN IF I WAS INTERESTED IN WATCHING HALF-NAKED, PUBESCENT TEENAGERS MAKING OUT SLOPPILY WHILE YOUR HORRENDOUS “SICK BEATS” ARE BLARING INTO MY EARS AND CAUSING ME A HEADACHE. AND I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THAT AT ALL.  
CG: BECAUSE IT IS HORRIBLE.  
CG: AND I PROBABLY WOULDN’T EVEN KNOW MOST OF THE PEOPLE THERE.  
TG: yeah but youre pretty good friends with john rose jade kanaya terezi   
TG: theyll be there  
TG: and not to criticize you  
TG: but you dont have to be so antisocial jesus  
TG: i swear itll be fun  
CG: JESUS ISN’T ANTISOCIAL.  
CG: WAIT, WHAT ABOUT GAMZEE?  
CG: GAMZEE IS NOT IN YOUR LIST. WHY DIDN’T YOU INVITE GAMZEE?  
CG: NOT THAT I CARE, BECAUSE I WILL NOT BE THERE ANYWAY.  
TG: idk man he can be creepy sometimes  
TG: you must know what im talking about  
TG: come on  
TG: i mean not like im shitting my pants i just dont want him to creep out the guests  
TG: im a good host  
CG: WHAT, HE IS A PERFECTLY INNOCENT CLOWN.   
CG: WHAT THE FUCK. YOU’RE SCARED OF A CONTINUOUSLY STONED GUY WHO WOULD NEVER EVEN HURT A SPIDER.  
CG: I DO REALLY NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.  
TG: you wont find any kind of excrement in my absolutely hot and skintight pants  
CG: STOP RIGHT THERE. JUST STOP. LOOK AT THAT STOP SIGN. IT’S IN NEON LIGHTS. YOU REALLY NEED TO LEARN TO TALK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE.  
TG: i admit that wasnt my best line  
TG: but dude  
TG: they show off my butt pretty nicely   
TG: look at that booty  
TG: show me the booty  
TG: gimme the booty  
TG: i want the booty  
CG: IS THAT A SONG. YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW.  
CG: DON’T TELL ME.  
CG: ANYWAY, THERE WAS NEVER A CHANCE THAT I’D COME. IT SOUNDS BORING AS FUCK.  
CG: I’D HAVE TO TALK TO JOHN OR JADE AND THERE IS ONLY A LIMITED AMOUNT OF TIME THAT I CAN STAND TO TALK TO THEM.  
CG: ROSE AND KANAYA WILL HAVE SLOPPY MAKEOUTS AS ALWAYS WHEN THEY ARE IN THE SAME ROOM. IT’S LIKE THERE ARE TWO MAGNETS IN THEIR LIPS. OR THEY WILL TALK TO ME, WHICH IS EVEN WORSE.  
CG: AND YOU AND TEREZI, TOO, AREN’T FAR AWAY FROM HAVING SLOPPY MAKEOUTS.  
CG: NO, YOU CAN’T DENY IT. I’M A FUCKING ROMANCE EXPERT, AS YOU AND EVERYBODY ELSE KNOWS. I CAN SEE STUFF LIKE THAT.  
TG: what no were just good friends  
TG: are you serious  
TG: shes great yes shes absolutely awesome and i adore that creepy blind dragon girl who cant be stopped from licking everyone but i dont want to bone her  
TG: you really arent a romance expert at all  
TG: me and tz are close i guess but im interested in someone else  
TG: a dude  
CG: WHAT?  
TG: insert lots of rainbow and dick metaphors and similes here  
CG: I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT.  
TG: and a few current movie quotes  
TG: and song lyrics  
TG: about bisexuality  
CG: ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?  
TG: did you not know that  
CG: I... NO.  
TG: thats a surprise  
TG: but like i came out a few years ago  
CG: I JUST MOVED HERE 4 MONTHS AGO, YOU GODDAMN SHITSACK. YOU KNOW THAT.  
TG: no everybody knows that  
TG: that im bi  
TG: man i thought you knew!  
CG: WOW, YOU USED AN EXCLAMATION POINT. SHIT JUST GOT SERIOUS.  
CG: HOW WOULD I HAVE FOUND OUT. SERIOUSLY.  
TG: like from friends or something  
TG: wait you thought tz and i were dating?  
CG: NO, NOT DATING, BUT YOU TWO ARE SOMETIMES FLIRTING... AT LEAST I INTERPRETED THAT AS FLIRTING. NORMALLY I CAN ALWAYS SEE WHEN SOMEBODY HAS A CRUSH ON SOMEONE.  
TG: no you obviously cant  
CG: I KNOW WHEN TWO PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP SOON. MY FRIENDS COME TO ME FOR ROMANCE ADVICE AND I HELP THEM WITH THEIR LOVE LIFE. EVERYONE KNOWS I AM AN EXPERT.   
CG: THERE WAS EVIDENCE.  
CG: SHE LICKS YOU MORE THAN OTHER PEOPLE AND YOU TWO SPEND SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER ALL THE TIME. YOU HAVE SO MANY IN-JOKES AND YOU BOTH LOVE DRAWING BULLSHIT COMICS AND SHIT.   
CG: YOU’VE KNOWN HER SINCE BIRTH OR SOME EARLY SHIT LIKE THAT. SHE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS SEEN YOU WITHOUT YOUR SHADES. YOU ALLOWED HER THAT. THE ONLY EXCEPTION.  
TG: karkat  
TG: im not interested  
CG: I DO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU SAID, DOUCHESACK, I MERELY WISHED TO EXPLAIN WHY I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE INTO EACH OTHER.  
CG: MAYBE SHE LIKES YOU.  
TG: she doesnt like me as more than a friend!  
TG: and yes im sure of that  
TG: you can be a real idiot  
CG: YOU COULDN’T HAVE, LIKE, CASUALLY BROUGHT THAT UP IN CONVERSATION?  
TG: i bring up all the time that youre an idiot  
CG: WHAT. NO, YOU IDIOT. I TOLD EVERYBODY THAT I AM BISEXUAL, WHY DID YOU NOT THINK THAT MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME FOR YOU TO SAY “OH YES, BY THE WAY, ME TOO.”  
CG: I OFTEN DON’T HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA OF WHAT MIGHT BE GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD.  
TG: youre bi?  
CG: YES AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT, I TOLD EVERYBODY.  
TG: not me  
CG: THIS IS SURREAL.  
CG: I AM ONEHUNDRED PERCENT SURE THAT AT LEAST ROSE KNOWS. YOUR SISTER.  
CG: AND I TOLD EGBERT, TOO.  
CG: YOU KNOW, THE FUCKHEAD YOU CALL YOUR BEST FRIEND.  
CG: OKAY, SO NOW WE CAN BOTH ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WE ARE EPIC FAILURES AT BASIC COMMUNICATION.  
CG: WHAT DID I EXPECT, ACTUALLY?  
TG: no but like didnt you wonder  
TG: if i was into boys   
TG: was flirting with you sometimes i guess  
TG: and other boys  
TG: sometimes  
TG: no forget that part  
CG: YOU...  
CG: DIDN’T YOU WONDER THE SAME THING. ABOUT ME.  
CG: WHEN YOU WERE, AS YOU SAY, FLIRTING WITH ME.  
TG: all the fucking time  
TG: actually  
TG: what even did you think i was doing  
CG: I HAVE KNOWN YOU FOR A LONG ENOUGH TIME NOW TO KNOW YOU AREN’T BEING SINCERE MOST OF THE TIME. YOU WERE SAYING WEIRD THINGS TO FUCK WITH ME AND I DEICDED I WASN’T AN IDIOT AND WOULD NOT FALL FOR THAT.  
CG: YOU ARE SAYING BIZARRE THINGS TO REALLY EVERYBODY. IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO SEE A SPECIAL PREFERENCE.  
CG: FOR ALL I KNOW, YOU MIGHT BE BEING IRONIC NOW, TOO.  
TG: nah  
TG: you know what  
TG: just come to my party and well find you someone for all the sloppy makeouts  
TG: all of them  
TG: we wont even have to search long  
CG: *SICK PARTY  
TG: fuck  
TG: i fucked up  
TG: what is my life worth now  
CG: WHAT WAS IT EVER WORTH.  
CG: OKAY, I WILL COME TO YOUR SICK PARTY. YOU HAVE CONVINCED ME.  
TG: yeah absolutely  
TG: where doing it man  
TG: where making this hapen  
CG: DO NOT QUOTE THAT AWFUL COMIC. EVER.  
TG: anything for you  
CG: BUT DO NOT FOR ONE SECOND ATTEMPT TO THINK I MIGHT HELP YOU WITH THE PREPARATION.  
CG: I WILL NOT. THAT IS NOT EVEN A POSSIBILITY.  
TG: nah i got this  
TG: i aint gonna prepare anything at all  
CG: I SEE. YOU ARE TOO COOL FOR ANYTHING.  
TG: you got it  
CG: I WILL GO WATCH A MOVIE NOW.  
CG: I PROMISED JADE THAT I WOULD BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.  
CG: AND I WILL NEED A LEAST TEN TO GET THERE.  
TG: sounds like you should move your ass  
CG: I'LL SEE YOU AT THE PARTY.  
TG: see you  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--  



End file.
